To Have and to Hold Read online

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Epilogue

  To Have and To Hold

  a friends-to-lovers gay romance

  Amazon Kindle Edition

  To Have and To Hold © Riley Knight 2017.

  Cover design by Ravishing Romance Designs

  All rights reserved. No part of this story may be used, reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the copyright holder, except in the case of brief quotations embodied within critical reviews and articles.

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.

  The author has asserted his/her rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book.

  This book contains sexually explicit content which is suitable only for mature readers.

  First LoveLight Press electronic publication: May 2017

  http://lovelightpress.com

  To Have and To Hold is set in the Portland, Oregon and as such uses American English throughout.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Epilogue

  Chapter One

  Ran

  This job interview was a big deal. The hugest deal. The job was ideal, the sort of thing that Ran had waited years for, gone to school for years in order to get. And he knew that he’d aced the first interview. As he’d walked out, he’d known that the rapport between him and his interviewer had been undeniable.

  She’d been impressed with him, just as he had been with her. It hadn’t surprised him at all when she’d called him back within twenty-four hours to arrange another meeting, this time with both her and her superior. The principal of the school that Ran hoped to work at would be there, too.

  Still, Ran wasn’t worried. Not only had he graduated with a major in history, but he’d been on all sorts of clubs and teams and other extracurricular activities. He had the skills to do the job, and he was confident that he could bring that across.

  It was a brief, but grueling, session, and when it was over, Ran felt wrung out and exhausted and elated. He had it. He was sure of it. He walked out of there with every confidence that he’d nailed it. It was a sure thing, and he would get the call soon.

  His whole life, he’d wanted to be a teacher. While other kids were dreaming of being firefighters and cops and whatever else they were into, Ran had had his nose buried in a book and had dreamed of teaching others the things that he read.

  History had always been his passion. He’d gone through a phase where he was fascinated by every ancient culture known to modern people. Egypt, Babylon, Rome and Greece, he’d read about them all.

  It had only continued in college, only he’d also taken courses about the histories of India, China, Japan, anything that they’d taught that would fit into his schedule. If it was about the past, he wanted to learn about it.

  And he wanted to teach it. He wanted to work in a high school and try to pass on even a fraction of the same love of the past that he had to the students who walked through the doors of his classroom.

  It had never been a question to him what he should do with his life. And now, for the first time, it really seemed like it was going to happen. That the only real dream he’d had in his life was going to come true.

  There was only one person in the world that he could imagine sharing this moment with. Sure, he would call his parents later, and they would be happy for him, no doubt about it. But the person that he needed to tell first wasn’t them.

  Justin. His former college roommate and best friend. Even after school, they had stayed in touch. Ran had gone on to get his education certification, whereas Justin, well, he hadn’t even finished his undergraduate degree.

  Chronically underemployed, working crappy jobs to make ends meet, Justin had still had more money than Ran had most of the time. His parents had saved up money for him to go to school, of course, but he’d gone through that and had had to get student loans.

  Well, now that would change, all of it, and Ran grinned as he grabbed his cell phone as he walked out of the school. The school where, if all went well, he would soon be employed.

  Justin would be at work. He was pretty sure. His latest job was at a fast food joint, just one more in the long series of terrible employers. But he would text him, and Justin would get back to him, he knew it.

  Sending the text only took a few seconds, and when he was done, he got into his Toyota (that was almost ten years old now, but it still ran. Barely.) and tried to settle himself.

  He wanted to do something. He wanted to celebrate. Financially speaking, he shouldn’t. He had very little left of the money he’d saved up from his last job working at a local second-hand book store.

  He felt like he had the job, but something in him warned him to be cautious. Nothing was official yet. He really shouldn’t be throwing money around until he knew.

  So he should go home, do the boring thing. Grab a book and read, like he always did, except for when Justin dragged him out. Really, he and his best friend weren’t at all similar. But maybe that was why Ran liked him so much because he was different from anyone else that Ran had ever met.

  Just as he was slotting the car key into place, just as he was ready to turn the ignition and start it, his phone beeped at him, and he frowned.

  For most people, that wouldn’t be a big deal. It was a text message, and most people had friends that they texted all the time. But his parents didn’t even own smartphones and probably wouldn’t know how to text if their lives depended on that.

  Other than that, there was only one person he was a close enough friend to who would text him, and that was Justin. So he stopped in his tracks and reached for his phone, which he’d responsibly tucked away in his pocket. Not for him, the dangers of texting and driving.

  He saw his message, a simple one asking Justin to text him when he was off work, and then right below it, timestamped only a few minutes after the first message, was Justin’s return message.

  Ok, what’s up?

  Ran frowned. Why wasn’t Justin at work? Maybe he was on a break.

  I have to tell you about the interview.

  Ran waited for the reply, and he didn’t have to wait long.

  Cool. Fifteen minutes, your place?

  What? Ran shook his head. He was sure that Justin had said that he had work today. So why wasn’t he there? It was the middle of the day, during the lunch rush, when they’d probably need Justin the most.


  He sighed softly. Justin was messing around again, wasn’t he? He got fired from more jobs than most people ever even had in their lives.

  Well, he didn’t know anything for sure. It seemed likely to him that something weird was going on, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe he’d misunderstood. Maybe Justin had started work early enough to be off by now.

  Ok. See you then.

  Frowning, Ran slid his phone back into his pocket. He didn’t know anything, he reminded himself again, and he shouldn’t let worry about his best friend get in the way of his own happiness at (probably. Maybe. Almost.) finding a job.

  He took one last look at the school where he wanted so desperately to work and then drove away. He’d get it. He had to.

  Meanwhile, he and Justin had some beers with their names on them.

  * * *

  It took about fifteen minutes just for Ran to drive home, and when he pulled up to the house where he had his crappy, tiny little basement suite, Justin was already there.

  Stepping out of a car that was even older and in much worse shape than Ran’s, Justin walked over, all intense gray eyes and ridiculously full, pouty lips.

  A good looking man, certainly, but to Ran, he was far more than that. He was the only person that Ran had ever met that didn’t judge him. Whether Ran wanted to watch some old school wrestling, which he had a guilty thing for, or hit the books for hours, Justin was his friend, and Justin didn’t seem to have any problem with it.

  “Okay, so spill.” Justin got right to the point, just like he always did. “What happened?”

  Ran grinned. It wasn’t an expression he wore often, but then, this wasn’t a normal situation.

  “Come on, let’s head inside and I’ll tell you about it.”

  As they walked around the back of the house, Ran looked with distaste at the peeling paint on the side of it, at the door that sagged on its hinges, looking like a particularly strong gust of wind could knock it down.

  The place was a dump, no doubt about it, from the carpets that had probably once been beige or cream or something, but had faded to an indeterminate brownish color, to the peeling paint on the walls that was the color of sadness and broken eggshells.

  This was his home, with the heating that barely worked, and always seemed to give out every winter just when it got the coldest. His home, but maybe, just maybe, if he landed this job, it wouldn’t have to be for long.

  It would feel good to kick the dust of this place off of his feet, no doubt about it.

  “I have it. I’m ninety percent sure of it.” It felt surreal to say the words to someone else, but good. So good. Imagine how good it would feel to make the announcement that he’d accepted an employment offer that they’d made.

  Justin grinned at him, and his whole face transformed when he did. When he wasn’t very happy, it was hard to read him, because his face became set and focused and intense.

  He looked good when he smiled. It was a weird thought to have, and he knew it, but it was true nevertheless.

  “That’s great, man. Once you have it, I’ll take you out for beers to celebrate,” Justin offered, and Ran smiled, happier and more carefree than he could usually be. Being around Justin was like that.

  Speaking of beers … Ran unlocked the door and walked immediately into the kitchen, in all its dilapidated glory. It had a fridge, at least, and he had beer in there. Grabbing two of the cold bottles, he tossed one to Justin, who had followed him in, and then opened his own.

  “Maybe I’ll be buying the beer soon enough,” he said, pleased with himself. He knew that teachers didn’t make a ton of money, but to him, living on student loans and whatever part-time job he could juggle around his school, it would seem like a fortune.

  “Yeah, especially if they fire me,” Justin said, and the two men went to sit on the couch together without needing to talk about it. This was a ritual they’d done before, after all, and enough that it was second nature to both of them.

  “I was wondering why you weren’t at work,” Ran admitted. He’d been looking for a tactful way to bring it up, but it looked like he wasn’t going to have to find it. Justin had saved him the trouble by bringing it up himself.

  “I called in,” Justin said, as though it were no big deal. As if he hadn’t been fired from about half a million jobs for taking too much time off, for calling in sick when he obviously wasn’t.

  “Justin, you can’t —” Ran started, but his best friend cut him off, and really, that was fine. Ran and Justin both knew what Ran was about to say. After all, he’d said it before.

  Ran sighed softly. It was a mess, no doubt about it, and yet, Justin somehow always pulled through. He always made his rent, close enough to on time that he didn’t ever quite get evicted. He always managed to find his next job, too.

  Justin was an adult. He didn’t need to be taken care of. Ran knew both of these things to be true, but he still worried. What sort of friend would he be if he didn’t?

  So instead of either of them talking, Ran reached over and flipped on the television. He didn’t get cable or anything, but he did have Netflix, and he put something stupid and brainless on so that they could drink and chatter and generally just have a good time.

  Not the sort of thing that most people would do to celebrate, but to him, it felt perfect.

  * * *

  Without either of them needing to talk about it, they both knew that Justin would sleep on the couch. It sort of went without saying. He usually slept over after they’d stayed up all night drinking and watching Netflix.

  Maybe there had been just a little bit too much celebratory drinking, though, because that night, for the first time, Ran passed out on the couch with his best friend. When he woke up, he was confused at first. Why was his head resting against someone’s chest? Why was his body cramped as though he hadn’t moved for hours?

  Why was he so hard?

  Of course, being hard in the morning was not exactly new to him. It was pretty standard, actually, but having someone there to help him with that? That was a little bit more difficult.

  As a mostly gay man (there was a tiny, slim chance that he could fall in love with the right girl, although he was more interested in guys), it was difficult enough to find a partner but add to the fact that he was a bit of an introverted bookworm and that only made it more of a challenge. He’d fooled around a bit, of course. He hadn’t actually been living under a rock, just close to it. Spending a lot of time under that rock, as it were. But not living there.

  So he knew what arousal was, and he even knew what having another body close to his felt like, but the moment he woke up, he knew something was different.

  Maybe it was Justin’s scent, musky and masculine and completely unique, that told him. Or maybe it was something else completely. But whatever it was, he sat up, only to have to realize that he was very, very hard because he’d slept pressed against his best friend.

  That was something that he really, really didn’t need to look at, though, he decided. He didn’t need to figure out why his body had reacted as it had. It was enough to move away from him and to sit up on the couch, stretching and wincing a little as his sore, cramped muscles found some release.

  It didn’t last long, though, because Justin, who was still sound asleep, from his breathing, suddenly reached out and pulled Ran right back against him.

  Naturally, Ran was a night owl, but he’d been forcing himself to get up early for so long that it felt strange to him to sleep in anymore. Which had sort of led to him not getting enough sleep for quite a while.

  Of course, he had nothing to do today. He’d been job hunting full time, ever since finishing his teaching practicum, and it felt a little bit strange to just blow it off, but he practically almost had a job already, right? It wouldn’t kill him to sleep in, just for one day.

  Besides, despite his erection, it felt strangely comfortable to just settle down again with Justin. So he curled up in front of him on the couch, his back against Justin’s ch
est, and let himself drift off once more into a thin, light, but satisfying sleep.

  * * *

  It seemed that Ran had been more sleep deprived than even he knew because he didn’t stir again for hours. Even then, he wouldn’t have woken up if not for his cell phone ringing loudly, loud enough to jar him from the pleasant dream he was having.

  Swearing softly to himself, Ran fumbled for his cell, which was jangling at him from the coffee table where he’d tossed it the night before. He grabbed it, and then took a second or two to clear his throat so that his voice hopefully didn’t sound like he’d just woken up, even though he had.

  “Hello?” he finally said, and was glad that his voice came out relatively normal. Hopefully, no one could tell that he’d slept in until well past noon. Glancing at the screen as he’d answered, he’d seen but barely internalized, that it was going on one o’clock.

  “Hello, is this Mr. Moore?” the voice on the other end came, and it was a familiar one. The principal of the school where he was hoping to get a job, calling back already. That had to be a good sign. “Ran Moore?”

  Ran took a deep breath, then let it out slowly and silently. His nerves were jangling just as insistently as the phone had just been, but he couldn’t lose his cool now.

  Beside him, he felt Justin shifting, but he held up his free hand to urgently request that his best friend remains quiet. The man could have a mouth on him, and Ran didn’t need this ruined for him by some inopportune swearing.

  “Yes, speaking,” he said politely. “Good afternoon, Principal Jones.”

  Justin, for a wonder, was silent, and that was a good thing because Ran suddenly got the idea that something was very wrong. This was where he was offered the job, right? Only, instead of that, the principal was very quiet.

  “Are you a citizen of the United States, Mr. Moore?” The woman paused for a moment, and then added, “Alternatively, are you legally able to work here?”